Not just today, but ALWAYS

Lately, I have been in an emotional fog. I am AMAZED at everything that I have in my life. I never understood all the great things that have been blessings in my life. And as this is the month for thanksgiving, (which I want you to know is not the reason I have been so thankful...I have been thinking about this for the last few months) I thought that I would share many of these things with my children.

It surprised me as I became more thankful for things and voiced how thankful I was, that my children became more thankful. During our family prayers, the things that my kids have been thankful for, I am in awe of. They have expressed that they are thankful for their beds, for a home, for friends, family, books...etc. I couldn't believe all the UN-selfish things that they are thankful for and how they have not ONCE mentioned anything selfish, even though they are more than welcome to be thankful for those things too.

I was thinking about this all last night and couldn't sleep because of this, so I feel like I need to document it. I was thinking about how grateful I was for my testimony. Through EVERYTHING that I have been through in my life, even though sometimes I fell and fell hard in life, I never once DOUBTED the gospel of my Savior. I questioned why this was. I had many opportunities to deny the gospel or to even fall away, but I couldn't, because I KNEW it was all true. I knew this because I knew that the only person that I could talk to during those awful times, someone that wouldn't judge me and would listen with all fullness of his heart, was my Heavenly Father.

I never worried about what he thought of me, because I knew he already knew everything that was going on in my life and that I didn't feel like there were secrets between him and I. I loved the feeling of KNOWING that he was there for me when others looked down on me. I could never doubt such a great knowledge. Even if I were not a member, and I was another religion, I know that as soon as someone told me that there was a father in Heaven that knew what I was going through and would always be there to answer my prayers, that I would have immediately embraced the chance to have that in my life.

I got the strong feeling that I needed to express this to my children so that they have a strong testimony of prayer and of our Heavenly Father. I have always told my children that they can tell me anything, but that even more, their Heavenly Father will hear them and answer their prayers. That if they have faith, Heavenly Father will always be there to answer your prayers. But, even if they are having difficulty in their lives and feel lost, that He is the first person you can turn to and he will listen and stand by you.

In life, I fell HARD when I was a teenager. I never felt like I fit in anywhere and that I had let everyone down in my life, but I knew that He had my back and I would do everything that I could to please him. I made BIG mistakes, but I knew I wouldn't stray far because of the testimony I had in HIM.

I can only hope that my children will learn this great part of the gospel, because to me, this is the greatest blessing that he could have given us, was the chance to have him every step of the way.

Boys....Boys....Boys

Have I told any of you how much I think my boys are going to be the death of me......in a GOOD way?

Lately, we have encountered the years of preschool, sports, piano, homework and friends. Every one of these, I remember doing. I also remember thinking how "UNCOOL" my parents were during this time. They didn't seem to do ANYTHING, yet they never had time to help me with the things that were important to me (that I noticed). Needless to say, I was a very SELFISH child that only thought of myself. I noticed how much time my dad had for my brother, and my mom for my sister and both my parents for my younger brother. But where did I fit in? I found out when I was older, that my parents were there for me and every one of my siblings every step of the way. Again, I was a selfish teenager, so this was normal.

I am not making this post out to be a pitty party, believe me, it is far from that!!! But, now that I am the mom, I am trying so hard to not be the "UNCOOL" mom that I remember growing up...but I am failing terribly.

My oldest, Broxon is already starting to notice that I am never there....BUT I AM I TELL YOU!!! I make school lunches every day, I have soccer practice 3 days during the week, including daily piano. I then have to read with each child and find time to get dinner done....this is where the friends come in. Then there are the 3 soccer games at times too close to each other at 2 different fields......(Can you hear the screams yet?). Once summer break comes, it is going to be a picnic every day.

By all means, I have always thought my whole life that I was "UNCOOL", so I am not trying to be the "COOL" parent now, but it would be nice for once to have the kids finally notice that I would never miss ANYTHING! Yes, sometimes I will only be at a game for 15 minutes, but I was there to support.

Today, I had the chance to watch my youngest, Corbin, in his very first preschool performance. Each of my kids has been in preschool at this age, so I was sure that I was going to see a great personality that I hadn't seen before. My first two were crazy. I could hear him singing away through the door. He was the loudest in the class, not missing a word. When I got into the classroom, he clammed up. I thought it was performing in front of me that was the issue, but after the performance he said "Mommy, everyone was looking at me."

The teacher then read a paper that she had the teacher ask questions about us on.

Apparently, I look my best on my wedding day :D, my favorite food is top ramen, I don't have ANY friends, I love him most when he puts his dishes in the dishwasher, I love to go shopping at the store for milk and he loves me the most when I do the dishes. I found this hysterical. The things that he observes about me. I have some fixing up to do.....I need friends...my "UNCOOL" self, I only love to do dishes and go grocery shopping...."MEAN MOM" and I don't know how to cook :D.

I am going to start taking many more pictures to show what my kids are up to starting on Saturday at their game.....I will show them one day how much I care :)

Yearly act of Service

I haven't had the time for several months to write, but it seems that around this time of year, we really need to be thinking more about others than just ourselves. A friend from High School is encouraging people to write acts of service that others have done or you have done to others. To encourage people to share these special stories, she is doing a giveaway. I was more than happy to share my story that I will never forget, but the prize is and extra bonus. It is amazing how many acts of service can be shared just by a simple request. Thank you Janet for making this your Easter week request....I LOVE IT!!! If you want to participate in sharing your service story, go to http://www.fairlyhappy.com/2010/03/pay-it-forward.html to find out all the things that you need to do to share with others :)....

Have fun remembering acts of service.

It was December of 2003. I had 2 young children ages 8 months and a almost 2 year old. Things were very tight as they normally are when couples first are starting out with children in diapers and formula. My husband and I had gone over finances and discovered that we had no food for dinner, only 1 more diaper for my 2 year old and about 5 left for my 8 month old. We were almost out of formula and our financial records were screaming nearly to the red. We knew that we were going to have to go without dinner that night and probably a few nights in the future, but the kids needed their items. It wasn't fair to the kids to have to suffer for things that were not in their control.
My husband and I packed up the kids in their pajamas and drove to Smiths to pick up diapers and formula. As we were going up and down isles, wishing that things were different, a man approached me and told me that my children were beautiful. I graciously thanked the man for his kind thoughts and continued up and down the isles. I thought it odd that someone would just randomly approach someone just to tell them that there children were beautiful though. We continued going up and down isles writing down prices of things that we would get when we had more money.
As we went to check out, the same man that had approached us once before turned to us and said "Is that all you are getting?" We told him that it was all we needed. He then did something that we would never expect of anyone that just met us off the street. He told us that he wanted to buy our groceries for the month and that included all diapers, formula and even dessert (he wanted us to buy ourselves some Hagen Daas). We were very hesitant, but grateful for his kindness. As we went up and down the isles yet again picking up our menu items for the month, we knew that we wanted to do everything that we could to thank this man and pay him back when possible.
We got to the register and the man turned to the cashier and told them that he was paying for our stuff. We asked him where his items were, and he said that every year at Christmas time, he goes to a random grocery store and picks out a family that he feels is in need and gives of himself. We asked for his number, but he refused to give it. We asked for his address, but didn't want any thanks. He walked away, but we knew he had not gone out the exit. There was only one way out and we were taking it. I sat there watching for the man to come out the door so we could follow him home, but he never came out. We waited for 30 minutes, but to have nothing happen.
We left that night knowing that we had an angel help us that night. We never saw him again, but that night I went home and immediately wrote in my journal to remind me of that special night and that special man. I taped the receipt to the journal entry to show just what he did for us.
I will never forget his kindness and will continue to do what I can for others whenever I see a need.

Making Veterans Day Happy

Today marks the 5th Anniversary of they day that my husband got hurt at work. The day that changed our lives forever. We have come so far since that day in our lives.

Here is the story of that crazy day. (Know in advance, it is long as I remember too many details :D)

On November 11, 2004, I went off to work at 1800Contacts at 6:00am. It was my first day of official work to make extra money for the holidays; the first day out of training. I finished the day feeling like I was really going to like my job. As soon as I walked into the house at 11:00am, Michael had to run out the door to go to work.

I was playing with my 1 and 2 year old, when I got a phone call from my brother in law telling me to hurry to Mt. Timpanogas Hospital. When he told me that Michael had hurt himself with the company table saw, I couldn't control myself. I looked out the window and saw that Michael left me with the BIG diesel truck with no kid car seats. With my mom over 45 minutes away, I didn't know who I was going to get to watch my kids. I started calling everyone that I knew crying uncontrollably. After my mom finally arrived, I was on my way to the hospital.

As I walked into the E.R. I see an xray of a hand with the fingers very much destroyed. I knew at that moment that it was my husband. They took me to a room where my husband lay surrounded by his parents. He was on heavy drugs and didn't know that much was going on, yet he had a great outlook. He knew that things were going to be okay. He told me that his hand was going to be fine and not to worry about him.

They had to Lifeflight him to University Hospital, but I couldn't ride with him. I had to drive an hour to be by his side. When I finally got to the hospital, Michael was no long coherrent. He couldn't remember anything. Doctor Fryer came in to tell me his thoughts on the matter. He told me the longer they were in surgery, the better it would be. That they would give me hourly updates and that more than likely it would be between 5-7 hours of surgery on each finger. He told me that he would have to go home during the surgery to get some sleep and that another surgeon would come take his place.

As hour after hour in the waiting room passed, I grew more and more hopeful. He had been in surgery for 22 hours when the doctor came out of the room. It was the SAME doctor. He told me that he didn't feel good leaving this surgery in somebody elses hands. He had officially been at work for 53 hours as he had to work his regular shift.

He told me that Michael lost his pointer finger and that his thumb was struggling. He said that he needed to go home for 5 hours to get some sleep and he would be back to continue surgery on his thumb at that time. They didn't want people visiting Michael for very long, but they let us go see him for a short time. Michael was awake with a LEECH on his finger...yes, you heard me a LEECH (they use leeches as a heavy duty blood thinner). After everyone left the room, I wanted to talk to Michael by myself. He broke down and started to cry that he had lost a finger. He was devistated. I assured him that everything would be okay.

I left the hospital to take my kids to another location and to hurry back to the hospital to see Michael before he went back in for surgery. I returned to the hospital 3 hours later, but found that Michael was already back in surgery. Doctor Fryer got called to tell him that Michael's thumb was failing, so he rushed back to continue the surgery after 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

Five hours later, Michael was out of surgery
and put in a room that had to stay at a very high
temperature. Michael had to stay under covers
and was sweating massively. He had to have a
new leech every hour to keep the currculation
going. For one week, he stayed in that room,
with over 4 people passing out because of how
warm it was in the room. Because I had my
children, I was only able to come see Michael
between 5:00am-10:00am, then after the kids
went to bed from 8:00pm-11:00pm. Michael
only wanted me to give him sponge baths and
there was a member of his family there 24/7.
The hospital bent the rules, because they were
not able to stay in the room all the time to keep
and eye on everything.

They finally moved him to a normal temperature room, where he started to show signs of improvement. Michael and I decided that it was time for me to bring to boys to see their daddy and have them see what was going on. When I showed up at the hospital, I found Michael breathing very irratically. He was struggling to breath and was not waking up when people tried to wake him. My grandmother took the kids immediately out of the room as I continued to shake Michael trying to wake him up. He then stopped breathing all together. We started yelling for a nurse and I started screaming and crying. After what seeming like and eternity, he started to breath, he opened up his eyes and was asking where he was. He had a look in his eyes that said that he had left us and returned unexpectedly. I ran out of the room bawling hysterically and my grandma rushed the boys home so they wouldn't see any of this.

My nephew Chris had been with Michael when this event happened, and he was determined not to have this happen again. He called into work and stayed the next 3 nights at Michael's side. Michael did this same thing 3 other times before the doctors found out that he was having a reaction to the massive amount of drugs he was being given. They stopped that drug and he was a whole different person.

Two more weeks in the hospital and 5 blood transfusions later, he was allowed to come home to his family. He was not allowed to go back to work for another 5 months and was not allowed to be around the children unattended, so I had to be put on FMLA (family medical leave of absence). I was not allowed to work for 2 months. There was no money coming in, we were being helped by the church. I don't know how we made it during that time, but it was a learning experience.

Anyway, through the years Michael had to have 2 other surgeries, all falling on the 11th of some month to reconstruct. Every year on this day we have had many things go wrong, but not today.

Today I am going to try a new tradition of making plans for this day to be the best day ever. I am going to send letters with Michael, text him notes, play fun games with the kids, have them help make fun things and maybe do something else fun. If we keep the day light and cheerful, we might be able to turn the awful day around.

Thank you to everyone that helped during this hard time and continues to be a wonderful part of our lives. We are better people because of you :)

Insight from above

Yesterday is one that helped me see the BIGGER picture in life. I have been complaining for MONTHS about struggling to have another baby. I tried to tell myself over and over again that it is my Heavenly Fathers decision when/if we have another baby, and that he already blessed me GREATLY with my 3 beautiful boys. What do I have to complain about? I have been feeling very depressed as my WANTS were not going noticed in the grand scheme of things. I was having pity parties for a cause that was not my own to decide upon.

I would tell people that I was content with what I was blessed with and was starting to become very comfortable with the idea of NOT having another baby, but that was just me still hoping that if I try to tell myself that I was okay with it that Heavenly Father would bless me.

On Saturday I went to a baby shower for my favorite niece on my husbands side....sorry to have a favorite, but she accepted me even before Michael and I got married and has been there for me MANY times. As I saw her belly and how she loved glowed with love for that child, it made me sadder than I had been in a very long time. I wanted so much for that to be me or to be pregnant right along side her.

As the party continued, people started to turn to me and ask me when I was going to have another baby. Bitterness fell into place again and a little resentment. My mother-in-law told me that she saw 1...maybe 2 more babies in my future, but I KNEW BETTER THAN THAT!!! I KNEW that she was getting my hopes up for a losing cause. I left the party really wanting to be the pregnant one that was having the baby shower.

The next day I felt a little better for myself, but was struck down with a sickness and made my body ache terribly. I then got a phone call from my mother-in-law telling me that my niece who was 8 months along miscarried her baby right after the shower. She was at the hospital delivering a baby that was only meant to come to her long enough to get a body.

I can not imagine the pain of carrying my child and having to deliver it knowing that it was not going to be returning home with me, but returning home to our Father in Heaven. That kind of heart ache I would never wish on anyone. I then realized how selfish I had been with my own wants an desires. All she had wanted was a healthy baby to love and hold. I have had that 3 times and still was not content and wanted more.

Our Heavenly Father has a purpose for all of us. How can I be so selfish to DEMAND a child on my timeline when it might not be something that is for us right now. I would rather pray for my niece to have comfort for her lost child and hope and pray for her to be comforted in this hard time. I know this is one of the hardest things that she is going to go through...having to bury a child, but I know her husband and her are strong and that they will be blessed 10 times more for their faithfulness and for accepting the plan of salvation.

The Lord with give and take as is needed for this mortal life. I may not know what is in store for me or for my niece, but I know that each of us will be blessed for living our lives worthily. I will focus more effort on always living worth enough to deserve such a wonderful blessing as another child, but if it is not to be for us, I will continue to live worthy enough for my children to be blessed with the same knowledge that I have had to learn...that the Lord is infinate, that he knows what is best for us in each or our lives, that he knows our wants and desires even though sometimes it feels like they might not be going answered. Those wants and desires may never go answered, but as we stay strong and faithful in the gospel our lives will be blessed abundantly.

GIVEAWAY!!!

Who doesn't like a giveaway? I know I do!!! My Aunt Launi has this great website called GRACIOUS RAIN (www.graciousrain.com). There are constantly great recipes, thoughts, food storage items of the week and GIVEAWAYS. I don't go to this website for the giveaways, but they do give an incentive to introduce this great site to other people. I know that you will love this site....CHECK IT OUT! Right now the giveaway is SCHOOL SUPPLIES....Who couldn't use school supplies? I am so excited for this. I am going to go school supply shopping this next week, and this would help. She even has some AMAZING childrens hats and some fun bags that she sells at her ETSY shop. CHECK IT OUT!

Giving Thanks

For some reason, today has been a very reflective day for me. I am sure that a lot has to do with having the opportunity to go to church and feel of His spirit all around me, but also, sometimes I have the tendency to think "WHY ME" instead of enjoying the great things that are around me.

I have been a little bitter the last few months, because I was not understanding how I could be doing everything that I can to teach my children the gospel, going to the Temple, etc...and not feel stronger as an individual or that I was not feeling the blessings coming.

When things start going this way in my mind, I start seeing a pattern. I have never questioned my faith and never will, but I still sometimes feel overloaded and need to vent.

But today, I am not venting...I am giving THANKS...yea me!!!

My children are the greatest blessing that Heavenly Father has blessed my amazing husband and I with. Sometimes I am a little critical and too demanding of them, but my boys all know that I love them...I tell them HUNDREDS of times a day...they say it too with big hugs and kisses. They make me smile when I am down, make me laugh with the funniest things they have to say and amaze me with how grown up they are getting. I could never have asked for better children.

Dear sweet Michael...he puts up with so much from me. He loves me even when I am the most unreasonable. He makes me feel like a princess even when I look my worst and he makes me want to be a better person everyday to be worthy of such an incredible person as him.

Even though there are numerous things that we need right now, I really feel that they are not as necessary as happiness. As long as I have my family, my memories and my Savior in my life, I have everything I need and everything else will come in its own time.

Oh how I love my life. I have the messiest house, construction going on, children and toys all over the place and our little Jasmine (dog) that insists on getting a little too excited all the time, but I seriously LOVE my life.